A little more than a month ago Aldael nominated me for the Blogger Appreciation Award when award-tagging was still relatively hot (It has cooled down since). He shared how he works around things in his mind palace, and approaches with an overarching optimism & patient temperament, which is definitely a valuable lesson to think about. So apart from thanking him for the nomination, really I should be thanking him for the insight!
Thank you for including rules too:
- Thank the blogger who nominated you, link back to their site
- Write a paragraph of something positive about yourself
- Nominate and notify as many bloggers as you wish
- Use the award image
So… … something positive about myself?
I’d tell you that two minus makes a positive when multiplied together you know?
The truth is, I’m a pessimist. I’m always considering the worst case scenarios when making decisions; I try for (and also hope for) the best, though I’m pretty much aware that I will mess up somewhere someplace somehow. It’s true that to err is human, but I think it is also true that its a little too excessive and I obsess over that. When it comes to being positive, I can fake it until it becomes real – so most of the time, I look and sound perfectly alright (It’s not even discernible in typing), I fool just about everyone – including myself.
But, that’s how it is for many people isn’t it? It isn’t just about pessimism. It can apply to anything else – Self-loathing; Lack of confidence; Shyness; Stubbornness; Overthinking, etc (anything along the same lines)…
Perhaps we can change ourselves, or maybe not.
For the latter it can haunt us until the terminus of our lifespan.
However, recognizing our weaknesses – the negativities of our very selves – give us an advantage over ignorance. And so maybe, a really big maybe, living with and controlling negativities can be better than changing altogether.
It isn’t really right to mention so much negativity when the purpose of this post is to share something positive. Here is where the circle completes though. People say “Two wrongs doesn’t make a right“, here I’m arguing with “Negativities make positivity“. While obsession and pessimism aren’t healthy habits, somehow the combination produces a loophole which I simply live with. Underneath all the excessive doubting, worrying, cursing, and silently developing lots of stress, my mind ultimately gives up and the stress meter no longer works. After which I simply get all chill for the mental stuff and go with the flow while pushing myself to the limits. And I’ll tell myself over and over that everything is alright (Some cases, it really isn’t and the consequences speak for themselves). Over time, that’s how I become really good at attaching false positive impressions in myself. It serves as a source of motivation, a dare to take risks, a relief to others, and softens the impact when things go south. When that happens, the pessimism kicks in again (stronger), and the whole cycle repeats, this time with reinforced motivation. When things go well, the positive mentality becomes real. In both cases, the pessimism doesn’t go away. However, it doesn’t take much for each event to trigger a learning node, which I end up adapting each time and applying to effect… Pretty much like machine learning. And I feel that’s how negatives make me a positive person (somewhat).
I don’t really know if what I wrote sounds reasonable to any reader, its a case of ” If I omit all the parts on the negativities and mention only its positive derivatives, it would sound as lovely as RBC-chan and platelet-chan, but biologically the ‘surface’ doesn’t speak for the ‘bulk’ “. In the end, that’s how I am positive towards people, things and myself – living on a single thread of hope, faith, despair and doubt.
So if you ask if I am a bright and warm person – I may look like one (or sound like one) – but deep down I know I’m not. I’m just somebody who moulds and remoulds my personality many times over. Like… glass? It may take many more years before positivity becomes a default state, but for now, I’ll have to work with the recurrent pessimism by exercising optimism.
(Yeap, that’s why I like optimism!)
While I’m really happy to be appreciated, I think it’s a lot more important to appreciate others, the things they do, the posts they make, and fundamentally your existence. I’m tempted to nominate bloggers to show my appreciation, but honestly everyone deserves the credit and appreciation (including bloggers whom I’ve not encountered yet). Hence I won’t be making direct nominations, but I do wish that for bloggers who have yet to be nominated for the Blogger Appreciation Award to pick up on this (if you’ve come across reading this) and mention something positive about themselves / share something positive in their own posting.
Spread the positivity and goodness. 🙂
Thanks for dropping by and reading, and as always,
*PS: Oh look I messed up the sketch, forgetting to draw the hands of AE3803. It looks pretty funny now.